Letter to my Unborn Baby – From Mom
Dear Baby
I am one of those who never had the time to dream of being mother. I did love kids but I never dreamed of having one. Therefore I did not have an idea about how it would be to be pregnant and had plans for career and education without a lot of thought given to this priority of my life.
My pregnancy was planned. When you were only one month in January 09, I somehow knew I was pregnant. Therefore when the pregnancy test came positive, it was a reassurance that I was having you. I was excited about this new phase in my life and wanted to simply race home to share the news with every near and dear one. The biggest joy was telling your dad, your grand parents and uncle-aunts the good news and knowing that they can’t wait to play with you. I actually wanted to tell the whole world about it. But I was advised against it by an experienced friend (the first one I told). I always wondered why all pregnant ladies hide the fact till it is too apparent. Don’t they feel too excited to tell everyone? I was told the reason – it’s not good to shout it out now as women may have some complication or the other in the first three months. I always thought that it is the last three months that are problematic what with carrying a 4 kg you inside me! Somehow we both (your Dad and me) enjoyed the early weeks when only we knew your special secret.
Being from a different city, I don’t really have your grand-parents with me everyday, doting over me, though they do worry about my health and always check on my well-being. It is therefore my ‘responsibility’ to take care of myself. I never took so much care of myself as I do now. This is the first time I am feeling the experience of loving and caring for myself so much as my Mom would love and care for me. I have never been so careful about what I eat, when I eat, when I sleep and how long I sleep. Never could I happily have an orange juice every day and a glass full of milk every night (well, almost every night). Never had I checked every fruit and vegetable online for its nutritional value and suitability during pregnancy.
With you inside of me, I feel more aware of myself as I am inwardly aware of my health needs. I am in fact enjoying the healthy food regime. Nevertheless, I and Dad feel that taking care of you is like giving an exam. When we go for every sonography, we feel the same anxiousness that a student feels while waiting for her exam results. The monthly sonography is like a marksheet on our efforts at keeping you safe throughout the month. Although we cannot really makeout anything about you from the USG reports, seeing your faint outline on the sonography monitor makes our day. I love to see your Dad’s expression when he sees you with his eyes wide open on the monitor.
They say pregnancy is a tough time when morning sickness makes you miserable or mood swings leave you sad all the time. I am one of the lucky ones as I haven’t really had any of these problems yet. Touchwood. Having you has made me immensely emotional though. I haven’t got a bad mood-swing yet, in fact, I feel I am getting positive mood-swing. I can’t stop laughing on even the silliest of jokes. I am probably too happy. I would prefer to say that we are getting along well!
I love to sing to you, read poems and listen to soothing music alone with you in the bedroom.
I talk to you every day while driving to office. I hope that you can hear my voice. And I hope you don’t think I am crazy. I am sure anybody else traveling with me would feel I am mad after listening to what all things we talk about.
However cliché it may sound, I now have baby pictures everywhere, even on my laptop and mobile phone wall paper. Whenever I look at those pics I always imagine what you will look like. Will you have your father’s nose or my hair?
You know being an expectant mom is fun. It’s like starting life afresh, where I have a chance to plan it and savour every moment of it. I am no longer guilty about getting heavier; in fact I am feeling good about putting on weight. I can choose clothes which are comfortable, highlight my ‘new curves’ and at the same time feel stylish.
Every weekend is special. I have mentally tuned in all my attention to you. I enjoy my weekends sleeping through the afternoons; I know that with you around, I won't get a chance later on! I don’t worry about office pressure any more and prefer resting the whole two days, enjoy watching movies or reading. My social circle so far included my friends who are unmarried or just married. With you now, I feel more comfortable with new Moms who are now my new peer-group. My whole new bunch of friends keep me busy on weekends. I have been gifted many books on being pregnant and they keep me busy through weekends. Several websites and online forums too help me be in touch with you.
The extra attention and advice from my parents, in-laws, aunts, uncles, neighbours and not to mention your Dad, is also fun! Your Dad actually finds time to be with me every day. We go together everywhere, he drops me and picks me up from office, we go out shopping on weekends or simply go for a walk to get some fresh air because it's good for you and me. We love visiting baby product stores and planning what we will buy for you. Choosing baby clothes and furniture is now our favorite pastime. Every month Dad clicks a photo of me smiling over my growing belly so that, one day, you can look at you pre-birth pictures and be amazed you were ever that size.
With a 4-month you inside me, I feel most people have already guessed what’s going on. I am often greeted by smiles from colleagues or neighbours who I haven’t told anything yet. It’s as if they know our little secret. With all this sudden attention I feel as if I was invisible before. I love looking at myself every morning and realising there's a growing you in there! As I complete 4 months of being pregnant, I am dying to feel the first ‘fluttering’ kicks and make your Dad feel jealous as he can’t feel it so soon.
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